My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
