people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
