A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
