I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
