I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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