I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
