ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
The power of my boobs compel you
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
