I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
There's always time for handjobs
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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