I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
