did you get engaged???
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
