This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
