Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
