you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
