Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
