im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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