it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
