the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
