I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
