chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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