We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
