can we get nightvision for the apartment?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
