I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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