He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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