My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
