Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
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