im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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