He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Randomize
