I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I had to cum in my sink.
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