I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Randomize
