God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
