I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
