I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
