from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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