I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
