apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
