When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
