He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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