at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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