I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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