I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
