If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
