I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
