Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
