My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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