The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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