I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
