remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
