im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
