Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
