i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
