went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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