their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
